When the grief of losing a loved one clouds our eyes, our thoughts wander around the moments we shared together. The moment of burial passes, people disperse to their homes, and a question surfaces: where is now the soul for which we mourn? What will happen to it next? What remains behind it on earth?

The answer depends on the faith and outlook on life — both yours and the deceased’s. The traditions of commemoration likewise depend on them. Among Buddhists, for example, every seventh day after death is considered special — all the way to the forty-ninth day. Among Muslims the commemorative days are the seventh and the fortieth, and also, as among Buddhists, all three days following repose. Among Jews the first and greatest period of mourning lasts a week from the moment the family returns home from the funeral, and the second lasts a month from that same moment.

In the lands of Ukraine there has long existed a tradition of commemorating the departed on the 9th and 40th days after death. At this time people go to the church, pray, set a memorial table, and visit the cemetery — the customs vary depending on the locality. But why exactly are these days important in remembering those who are no longer with us?

“Ukrainska Pravda. Zhyttia” spoke with Archimandrite Konstantyn Marchenko, the prior of the Zhydychyn St. Nicholas Monastery, and Father Ivan Vykhor, the administrator of the parish of Saint John Paul II of the UGCC in the interfaith church of Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker at the I. Sikorsky Kyiv Polytechnic Institute, about how the Church understands human life after death, what is distinctive about the 9th and 40th days of commemoration, what to do on the 9th day after death, how to commemorate on the 40th day after death, and how to pray for the departed

Photo: Monasticism of Volyn

Reincarnation and a return to earth, eternal rest or eternal torment, oblivion or paradise — you have surely thought about whether any of this awaits you or your loved ones after death.

The first thing that comes to mind according to the Bible is that the soul faces two extremes, heaven or hell. In the Catholic tradition there is the risk (or possibility) of becoming “stuck” in purgatory. But is it truly so?

Father Konstantyn notes that questions concerning death are assigned by the Orthodox Church to the rank of theologoumena. A theologoumenon is an authoritative opinion in the Church that is very important, but is not a dogma (a church constitution, an indisputable fact). This means that the so-called afterlife is open to discussion and quite possibly an individual experience.

“We must understand that there is eternity. People in the 21st century find it a little easier to speak about this, because resuscitation medicine is developing very powerfully among us. There is the experience of near-death (near-death experiences, NDE), of clinical death. This phenomenon at the very least raises a question — what was that? When death had already been pronounced, the person was no longer there, and then they come back. Where were they at that moment? What happened to them? What happened to their subconscious? This is already a matter of discussion, and that is actually very good,” the priest says.

In the Orthodox Church it is believed that after death a person faces the toll-houses. It is held that a person encounters everything they did during their life — both the good and the bad. With such baggage they stand before the particular judgment of the soul.

Priests say that for the first three days after death the soul of a person still abides on earth among people.

“The soul is separated from the body, but still abides in this world. It visits the places that were important to it during life. After the third day it worships God. In former times, according to the ancient pious tradition, people were always buried on the third day. It was believed that the soul abides here and that it is wrong to lay the body in the earth,” explains Father Konstantyn.

Photo: Monasticism of Volyn

Further, if one believes the Orthodox tradition, from the 3rd to the 9th day the newly departed soul is shown how the righteous live in paradise. From the 9th to the 40th day the departed sees how people exist in hell. And on the 40th day the person undergoes the so-called particular judgment, where their fate is determined — where they will abide while awaiting the Second Coming of Christ.

Despite the fact that both the Orthodox and the Greek Catholic Church are churches of the Eastern rite, their understanding and interpretation of certain details of theology differ.

Death, in the vision of the Catholic Church, is inseparably linked with purgatory. Its existence in Catholicism is dogmatic and consists in the fact that in purgatory a person bears atonement for everything committed in earthly life. The person abides not so much in a different space as in a different state — therefore heaven, hell, and purgatory are not places but states of the soul.

Father Ivan Vykhor also emphasizes that time and its intervals have meaning and are counted only within human existence. Beyond the bounds of life it is not measured in hours or days, and so the commemorative 9th and 40th days, from the point of view of the Catholic Church, are chosen rather symbolically.

In particular, in the Euchologion of Peter Mohyla such symbolism of the commemorative days is mentioned: “Commemoration on the 3rd day signifies that the departed believed in Christ, who rose on the 3rd day, and also that the departed preserved the three theological virtues: faith, hope, and love. By commemoration on the 9th day we ask the Lord God that, through the intercession of the heavenly choirs of angels, He grant the departed rest with the saints in place of the fallen angels. Commemoration on the 40th day is in remembrance of Christ’s 40-day fast and His 40-day abiding on earth after His resurrection, as well as in remembrance of the 40-day fast of Moses and the prophet Elijah.”

The Greek Catholic priest also speaks of the practical significance of the 9th and 40th days after a person’s death. These dates are a kind of stages in how the awareness and acceptance of the end of their earthly existence come to the loved ones of the departed.

Just as many questions remain, the discussions surrounding existence after death continue unceasingly.

“Both the Catholic and the Orthodox Church seek a common understanding as to whether the teaching about the toll-houses professed by the Orthodox Church and the teaching about purgatory professed by the Catholic Church are identical to one another, and whether they can somehow be reconciled. Because, once again, both the one and the other teaching are grounded in revelations to specific people, and the Church constantly investigates — and must do so — whether this is truly a part of its faith, or whether these are merely personal revelations that cannot be extended to the teaching of the whole Church,” notes Father Ivan.

It should be noted that similar views on death are held not only among Christians, but also among the adherents of other theological beliefs. In Islam there is also a transitional place where the human soul abides after death — barzakh. There the departed awaits the final judgment — in torment or in bliss depending on how they lived their earthly life. There is extremely little specific information about existence beyond the bounds of death in the Islamic primary sources — just as, in fact, in Christianity.

The Tibetan and Egyptian Books of the Dead, on the other hand, describe the afterlife in detail. While the Egyptian one is filled with magic, mysticism, and belief in polytheism, the Tibetan one describes the path of accepting the completion of human existence.

The sacred book of the Buddhists, the “Bardo Thödol,” describes a person’s path from the physical process of dying to reincarnation (this path — the bardo — according to the book takes 49 days). Buddhist teaching had a significant influence on the views of Carl Jung and on modern psychology. Jung believed that a person attains the highest stage of enlightenment precisely at the moment of death — and this coincides exactly with the Buddhist conception of dying. Yet these views, of course, also cannot be verified.

Photo: Monasticism of Volyn

Father Konstantyn says that, according to Christian traditions, the main task of loved ones immediately after a person’s death is to be near them. Simply to keep silence and to see them off.

Acquaintances, neighbors, and relatives who come to see off the departed should refrain from gossip and idle chatter. It is important to understand: there is no place for these beside the coffin, and if the purpose of the visit is to pay tribute to the person, then the best thing in such a situation is to pray.

There is no need to search for any special prayers; it is better to turn to God in your own words.

“If you wish to pray, simply say it just so — Lord, receive this soul, it is already going to You. Lord, grant rest to the soul of Your departed servant. A very fine practice of the Church is the reading of the Psalter beside the departed,” the priest advises.

The Psalter beside the departed is often read from beginning to end, aloud, taking turns. This can help to put one’s thoughts in some order, to calm the soul, and to prevent detached chatter when it is inappropriate.

Among the people it is often said that “a mother’s prayer is the strongest” or “a child’s prayer is the strongest.” The abbot notes that there is logic in this, for a mother’s heart is filled with unconditional love, and a child’s heart is always sincere. Therefore in prayer what matters are the emotions and feelings with which you remember the departed.

“As much as we truly love this person, that is how strong this prayer will be. It happens that a father may have a strong bond with a child, a brother with a brother or sister. What matters here is when the heart speaks, filled with love. It is probably incorrect to say — this prayer will be stronger, and that one will be weaker. Every prayer that is inspired by love will be strong,” says Father Konstantyn.

It is fitting and important to pray for fallen soldiers, even if you do not know them personally. Priests say that such a prayer should come from a position of gratitude and love. These can be the words: “Lord, I do not know this person, but grant rest to his soul, give him peace, draw him to Yourself. This person has earned to have peace and rest with You.”

Father Konstantyn says that nowadays people often bring to the church notes with requests for prayer for the departed, into which they write their relatives, and at the end add the words: “for the soldiers who gave their lives for us.” And this too is fine.

Photo: Monasticism of Volyn

Most of the rites and actions assigned to commemoration on the 9th day after death are pious traditions, not laws obligatory to fulfill. Priests emphasize that what matters is prayer.

Below, they answer common questions about what to do up to the 9th day after death and how to commemorate on the 40th day.

How does one correctly count the 9 days after death?

The days after death are counted from the very moment of death. Even if it happened in the evening, that day is already counted as the first. The same applies to the 40 days — from the onset of death.

What should one bring to the church on the 9th day?

There is a tradition of bringing bread to the church on the 9th day after death. Some also bring wine and sugar. Sometimes kolyvo (a sweet porridge resembling kutia, often made of rice with candies or candied fruit). But this is not obligatory, but rather symbolic. Simply coming to pray is also entirely acceptable.

If there is the desire, strength, and ability, you may inquire about the regional commemorative traditions in your church. For example, in the Lviv eparchy of the UGCC they note that, together with kutia, three loaves of bread are also placed in the church, which are meant to signify a sacrifice for the departed. This practice was approved and recommended by the Lviv Synod as far back as 1891.

“I have my own experience: in Halychyna, in the kind of parish where I serve, God forbid a person should bring black bread for a commemoration. There is such a tradition; why people believe this way I still do not know and have not found its roots, but any kind of bread should be brought — only not black,” notes Father Ivan.

Commemoration of the departed: can the 9th day (or the 40th day) be done earlier?

The Orthodox priest Konstantyn Marchenko says that holding the commemoration earlier is incorrect and acceptable only when it is done out of necessity (for example, when there is no service in the church on the 9th day after death, and then the commemoration is moved to the nearest possible day). However, it is very important to remember and to pray for the departed precisely on the 9th and 40th days.

“Among us this phenomenon is very widespread: a person has just been buried, and people say — on the next day we held both the ninth-day and the fortieth-day commemorations. I always say — this is a certain profanation. If you do not believe in it, then do not do it. There is the experience of the Church, and if it is said that the ninth day is important, then one must come on the ninth day itself. The fortieth day is also important, all the more so if we say that the particular judgment takes place then. Therefore, on this day one must especially come, find the time to pray,” Father Konstantyn emphasizes.

He also adds that Saint Gregory, the Pope of Rome, already spoke of how strong and important the prayer for the departed is precisely at the Divine Liturgy.

“This theologian emphasized how strong the prayer for the departed is when we take out a particle of bread for this person, lower it into the chalice, and ask that the Lord wash away the sins of this person with His blood. He even said that this prayer is stronger than even if some particular saint were to pray for you — that is how strong precisely the prayer for the departed at the Liturgy is.”

Should one set a table, and what should be prepared for the commemoration on the 9th day?

The Church does not regulate this matter in any way. The memorial meal — neither after the funeral, nor on the 9th day, much less on the 40th — is not obligatory. This tradition arose from ancient times: after a person’s death the relatives would set a table and invite the poor, so that they might eat and pray for the soul of the departed. This was an expression of mercy and almsgiving in memory of the departed.

“Nowadays people hold a memorial meal because it is expected. This is the worst thing there can be in life at all, and all the more so in the spiritual life — to do something because it is expected, when you do not understand why it is done. Sometimes it is even painful to watch: there are families who are far from able to do this, but out of fear of what people will say, they go into debt, because someone must be fed. I believe that in such a case this is wrong, and there will be absolutely no sin whatsoever if these people do not hold a memorial meal.

If there is indeed such a desire, and the family has gathered, then gather purely the family alone, those for whom this person was truly of the greatest importance, and not all the neighbors, half the street, just because someone must be fed,” explains Father Konstantyn.

Father Ivan also adds that a shared lunch or supper on the 9th or 40th day after death should be held on the condition that the loved ones of the departed are morally ready to be in company. Then it can serve as a unifying factor, where people support one another in their grief.

What should one do on the 9th and 40th days after death from the point of view of the Church?

Pray, perform acts of mercy in memory of the departed, look upon one’s own life, and recall that no one is eternal. This is all that the Church considers fitting. The rest are folk traditions, personal wishes, and the views of the relatives.

Father Konstantyn emphasizes that after death people need nothing but our prayer and love. But for us, this is the right time to think about our own soul.

“I clearly want us, Christians, to understand: everything that concerns death and the afterlife is not Kotliarevsky’s ‘Aeneid.’ That is how folk creativity portrayed it. The holy fathers speak very simply on this subject: in truth, paradise begins here, on earth, and hell begins here as well. If a person during life knew how to live with dignity, was profound, knew how to rejoice in the little things, to give thanks, to be happy, then they have in fact shaped themselves for eternity as well. But if a person lived and was dissatisfied with everything, complained about everything, was constantly in malice — they have likewise shaped themselves for eternity. That is to say, a person who has learned to live with God here will live with Him there as well. And hell is the life of the soul without God, outside of God. This is the most terrible thing of all.”

Source: Liudmyla Panasiuk, Ukrainska Pravda